When a person has a relationship with God it is on a spiritual level.
You are trying to have a relationship based on feelings. That is carnal;
relying on your senses. That is no different from a non-believer.
The scripture says, "In all your getting, get understanding." Before
you read the bible, pray and ask God to open the eyes of your understanding. Pray and ask God for a bible study group for you to attend,
and stop judging God by your feelings. God says He will never leave
you nor forsake you. Stand on that and eventually you will know in
your innermost being that God is there.